It’s been way too long. One reason being is that I haven’t
been in Haiti the past 3-½ weeks of time, but I haven’t really written since
February so that isn’t really that great of an excuse. Ok, my real excuse is
that I am not always good at knowing what to share about my life; I feel that if
I am going to share what God is doing in my life that it should be something
that is going to change your life, or give insight to others, help people, or
guide people, or that I have to be some amazing writer, but in the end, the
only people who are reading this love me and just want to hear about my
experiences and growth in Christ, so forgive me for not writing more. I’ll work
on it :) (But that doesn’t mean I will get any better at it because I’m not a
very good at multi-tasking, so living with 60 kids, teaching, working and
writing about all of it is a big challenge for me to say it lightly).
Anyway, I said earlier the past 3 ½ weeks I have been
blessed to be able to have traveled back and stay in the states to attend an
amazing, beautiful friend of mine’s wedding, visit family and friends, and take
a break from my work in Haiti, but in the plans I had made for my time in
America, God had His plans.
Let me start from the beginning and sort through all my
thoughts for you. For the past six months or so I have been battling and
sorting through God’s timing and plans for my life. First it was deciding on
the continuation of my work in Haiti and if life and work in Haiti was part of
His plan for my life or of my own hearts desire. Not too soon after I decided
to submit my life to God and to His work for me here, He brought an amazing man
into my life that I have grown to love very much. In the midst of all these
changes, transitions and decisions, my boyfriend’s father had also just been
diagnosed with stage four-pancreatic cancer. Lastly, while I was in the states
in April, my boyfriend’s father Dr. Britt Arnett passed away.
So you can only imagine the number of questions I had and
still have for the whirlwind of things that were and are upon me. Questions
like: How am I supposed to have a long distance relationship with a man that I
have gotten to spend only a few weeks with God? (Granted we had known each
other before all of this, and our story is pretty cool, just ask, I would love
to tell you all about it). Or God, how am I supposed to fully support him in
the prognosis of his father from Haiti? Or God, why do wonderful people like
his dad and his family have to suffer the way they did and are in their loss
for him? Or how am I supposed to support my boyfriend from here after he just
lost his dad God? Or even the question, why on earth God would you place all of
this on my shoulders at once, put me in Haiti at the same time, so my heart is
ripped between the two?
God is sovereign. He knows what He is doing. While going
back and reading what I just wrote, it still overwhelms me, but I also know
that God wants good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). And I really can’t
put into words the amazing amount of beauty and goodness in the midst of my
tornado of a life. Let me explain. In the decision-making process, I was scared
to commit to my life in Haiti because I was a single, young woman, who does
desire a future with a significant other, but as soon as I said that out loud I
realized that I was limiting God and His great power in providing that for me
if that is His will. I surrendered; God provided. Now there is a man who loves
me, cares about me, and most of all is a man after God’s own heart—he supports
me, understands me and also submits to God’s call for me and my dedication for
our brothers and sisters here in Haiti. Not only that but he is an encourager,
and I don’t know if I could have gotten through ANY of this without him. For a while, it had been a mystery to me at
why an old childhood friend decided to update me about this man (my boyfriend
now) and his family and his father’s condition, but she did, and I’ve now
realized its not a mystery at all, it was God and His perfect timing, and this
is just a smidge of the goodness that came from the trials I described above.
I have really grown to see that our time and God’s time is
so different. I knew that and would have said “well yea of course it is”, but now
when I see His plans for my life fold out before me, I can see the fine details
of the long trials that seem never ending and on going and last months that have
results of His fine beauty and goodness for my life. God opened my eyes so much
about His care and comfort for His children. Granted, I still don’t get some of
the things that happen or why, but in the desolation and petitioning I cried
out and continue to cry out to God for the Arnett family, God blessed me to be
able to be there for the Arnett’s, to serve them, mourn with them, love them and
even celebrate with them the peace and freedom their loved one now has through
Christ. I had the pleasure to hear numerous stories of a happy, focused, funny,
inspiring, loving, generous, free-spirited, doctor, husband, and father that
makes it so hard to have his physical presence gone, but I have great
confidence that he is in a perfect, beautiful place with no more tears, no more
suffering, and no more pain with our God that makes it a celebration.
2 Corinthians 1: 3-4 came to life for me these past few
weeks: “Praise the God and Father our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies
and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we
may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the
comfort we ourselves receive from God.” So during the affliction and challenges
of my life, God was comforting me the whole way through and training me, to be
able to better serve and comfort my fellow brothers and sisters alongside Him
in the midst of their afflictions. Like I said, God’s timing and our timing is
different, so really we may never see the end results and the good of something
terrible that happens in our lives, but God is working; He is training us,
designing us, shaping us, molding us, and creating us for the goodness because
He cares so much for us.
I dedicate this blog to the wonderful man, Dr. Eugene
Britton Arnett III, and to his family, much love to you all. My heart, comfort, and prayers are
with you always.
