What's first on your priority list?

I have been exploring my priorities here lately. In my first week of being here, I have often caught myself thinking, “Oh, I need this, or I really need to email my mom and let her know she needs to send me this.” Over and over again this list of needs would grow and grow in my head. For one, this is again another instance where satan is trying to intervene in my weaknesses--such as my cravings and wants for foods that I would never really care for or think of at home, wanting cleaners of all the sorts to clean this filthy place so I don’t feel dirty or get sick, or items such as books and movies for my own pleasure.

 But I believe God is reaching out to teach me something.

I think and say I need those things, yet I have made it this whole week just fine without them. So, do I really NEED them? Nope, I in fact don’t need any of it.

 I haven’t just learned that there are items in my life that I think I want and need and will rid of, but I can see that I need a major readjustment in prioritizing my life. God speaks a very harsh truth in Revelation 3:15-16 that is hard for me to hear at times, especially now, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”

God doesn’t want me when I want idols or when other things rule in my life before him. My actions and “deeds” at this point are equivalent to me saying to the kids here at the CHCH, “I love you, but not more than I love my food in America.”  I mean really, to think you need or want food more than people and community, how crazy can I get (especially with these precious little ones surrounding me). Idols then effortlessly strays my thoughts into something else I have been challenged and stretched with, relationships.

Anyone can so easily put moms, dads, sisters, brothers, children, boyfriends, husbands, friends, family (the list could go on and on) in front of God. Ok, we have all heard this a million, gazillion times, but seriously Jesus boldly states in Matthew 10:36 “Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies.”  Meaning, anyone who has an important earthly relationship is tempted to prioritize them before God. For us to replace God with family or friends can be detrimental to our faith—that is why he says that they can be our worst enemy. Satan delves in our weaknesses and will fight to figure out who and what mean the most to us; he will always try his best, with possible success, to push items and relationships that lure us to place them first before God. My prayer is that we will take these words of Jesus very seriously, place Him above all else and rearrange Him #1 on our priorities list, and understand how to succeed in this challenge that is so prevalent at times in our lives.

After God gave me an open mind to learn what the idols in my life were and what I was so shamefully doing, I also saw how selfish I was becoming by worshipping them.

I am embarrassed to say that I am living in a 3^rd world country where my neighbors don’t have half or any of the luxury items I do, and I continue to want more. I want this, I want that, and I need this and that. I, I, I. I cannot tell you how many times I have said these phrases and have had to stop and say to myself—this is not about you Tabitha.

 So God so humbly showed me what I needed to see after church this morning about this issue that keeps coming up in my world. “For this very reason, (that reason being Jesus) making every effort to add to your faith, goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self control; to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. That last verse really struck me; if I make efforts to whip my self-control into shape over my idols, continue to strive to give all the love in my heart to the people I come into contact with here, and keep sustaining and striving toward being better in all these qualities (that I am seriously lacking right now) God will help provide for me to be more effective and productive in my life.

I don’t know if any of these battles are going on in your life right now, but they are in mine. Yet, it is discouraging at times to see all these embarrassing, shameful, ridiculous things that I have and continue to let happen in my walk of faith, but God is only disciplining me. He is ultimately leading me to experience all of these trials to help me learn to be more obedient to Him. “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons” Hebrews 12:7-8. So here at last I see that I am God’s daughter, He loves me, and He will always be coming up with ways, even if I must fall down, get hurt and fall some more for me to learn more about my walk with Him.

That is why I face what I face; God only wants what’s best for me. So it’s back to the basics: 1. I need to love God and prioritize Him first in my life 2. I need to love others as I do myself.  Sounds easy enough, right?  It seems as though these basics aren’t so basic when we can so easily forget and replace them.

My first thoughts on Haiti..

Well I really don't know what I was expecting when coming to a 3rd world country, but my experience in traveling and being in Haiti is much different than I have expected it to be. My flight over was quite interesting. Let me first say that I absolutely LOVE the organization that I flew with, MFI, they are a really friendly and caring organization, and I highly recommend them if you are thinking of traveling to Haiti. But as you all may or may not know, the flight was delayed a couple days because of the storm that was coming through the Caribbean last week, and we found out why on the flight over.

We had to be at the airport at 6 a.m. to get checked-in and luggage loaded; we boarded the plane around 7:15 a.m., and mind you this is no ordinary plane, this plane is an older and smaller plane than your average 747, and from what I recall the pilot said he has been flying it for over 10 years now. It does have a bathroom and some space to move about the cabin though, and we had a beverage of choice, donuts and wonderful service. But it wasn't too soon into the first leg of the trip, that we found out why MFI delayed the flight. We ran into the storm (obviously much more mild than what it had originated to be or we wouldn't have been flying in it) right before we made it to our pit stop for fuel in the Bahamas. And to make it short, the turbulence was so bad that a few barf bags had to be used. I mean I didn’t get sick, but I was clenching my seat. I mean to describe how crazy it was, the man sitting next to me said, "I have been flying with MFI since 2000, and I come to Haiti 8 or 9 times per year, and this is the 2^nd  worse flight I have ever experience with them” (from turbulence only of course). So yea, barf bags were used. I mean really, I look at barf bags on planes all the time and think, “Why do they have these things?” Welp, now I for sure know why, for BAD turbulence.

 And since this plane is older, slower, flying at a lower altitude, and doesn’t have the cabin pressure control planes have today, to say it lightly, this flight was one of a kind. Because the plane didn't have pressure control within the cabin, the temperature that it was outside was the temperature inside the plane. So it started out pretty hot, even at 7 in the morning in Florida, but when we were in the air it was a bit chilly, because the higher you go up into the atmosphere the cooler it gets. So after the hot start, turbulence, and our first leg of the trip, we landed in Exuma, Bahamas. Because of all the limitations the plane has, the trip had to be separated into two legs to stop for fuel. I'm sure you can imagine what it was like when we landed there with the lack of pressure control, VERY HOT. So we landed, got off the plane, refueled, got back on the plane, and we were off the ground again in about 15 minutes. From the previous bumpy ride, some of the passengers, me included, were a tad fearful about the second leg of the trip; the pilot then reassured us that we were scot-free of anymore turbulence--we made it all the way through and passed the storm in the first trip!

The flight in total was about 4 hours, so we landed in Cap around 11ish. We got off the plane to go through customs, or what they call customs..they looked at my green card, my passport, stamped them, and that was that, they let me into their country. About 45 minutes after my arrival, I grew anxious to see Hunter and Jillian. I was waiting on the other small cargo plane that followed for the rest of my luggage. Finally, I see the familiar face I grew so impatient to see--Jillian peaks her head around the corner with searching eyes, and a peace that I can't describe just comforted my heart when I saw her. I guess with being in such an unfamiliar place, with people or a language I do not know was making me a bit on edge, but God knew where I was at and always provides at just the right time.

Ever since I came into contact with Hunter and Jillian they have provided such a blanket of peace over me I can't even begin to describe; they are such giving, kind, caring, comforting, easy-going, fun individuals, so of course God perfectly placed people like them for me to feel confident and comfortable that I am right where He wants me. Hunter and Jillian have sacrificed A LOT to be here with these kids--they have limited access or live without, A/C, purified water, hot water, many nutritious foods (Hunter has lost 50 lbs the past 7 months), and so many more wonderful amenities that we so easily take advantage of in America. The words above that I used to describe this couple are so few and far between to relay just what wonderful and amazing people they are. God has truly blessed me with these beautiful individuals to help me along in this journey ahead.

So I climb into the back of a large truck while in a skirt to start my journey in Haiti off just right, dust is constantly flying in my eyes as we head to our destination; I'm taking in the smells, and I'm watching as the debris, dogs, roosters, chickens, men, women, and children of all ages share the dirt roads together--this was merely the beginning of introduction to this country.

We then arrive at the orphanage, and the kids are so happy to see us and some were even shouting my name from afar to get my attention. To start, Hunter and Jillian wanted to show me where I would be living for the next 5 months. It is a big dorm style apartment--I have my own room and bed, but in the same apartment there are several more rooms with several more beds, a common room, bathroom, and kitchenette. Hunter has done an amazing job at fixing up the bathroom, patching up holes, and cleaning up the place, but again, completely caught off guard, I had no idea I wouldn't have A/C. It is just such a staple item in my life that I didn't even think twice about it. They also reminded me not to drink the water out of the sinks or showers because they don't quite have the funds yet for a purifying system for the dorms or directors housing, so we drink only from large jugs of purified water.

Now to the exciting part, we toured the compound, and I got to meet some of the kids. To my dismay, again, I was a bit taken aback. Yet a happy, loving, ever-present motivation settles and surrounds the walls of this orphanage, the environment was much more worn down than I assumed it to be. If you are reading this and you have a gift of any sort and you feel called to Haiti, come, come give to and help these amazing people of God at the Cap Haitien Children's Home. They need your help and love. There is a Haitien staff around during the day and night to help out, cook, and do laundry for and with the kids, but it’s not your normal "dorm parent" set up that you may see most in orphanages today--the kids have to work together, take care of one another, be part of a team, be a family.

Bottom line, there is just no comparison in reading, thinking about, or looking at pictures verses actually experiencing a place like Haiti. I don't know if it's that I have been so overly blessed in my life that I just couldn't think outside of my comfortable little box, or that I just couldn't fathom or understand what Haiti would be like without actually being here to experience it for myself, but the detriment here is far worse than I could fully understand or imagine without actually physically being present here.

Here I go...

So a lot of people were asking me before I left...how are you feeling--are you excited, scared? Well yes, both, but kind of indifferent, because most trips I am wired and stressed in my last minute preparations, but really I have been calm, at peace, prepared, and ready to go...all thanks and glory go to God and the beautiful people He has placed in my life to help encourage, love, give, care, and love some more to help me be at the emotional and spiritual resting place that I am in.

                                                                                               

But I must say, I am there now, but satan is really good at his job. I can find that it is very evident that satan was, is and will continue to try to break me down in any way he possibly can as I prepare to leave. For example, I sit right now waiting in my hotel room in Florida, thinking I am going to start my journey onward to Haiti tomorrow, but Tropical Storm Emily stands in the way. So I won't be there till at least Saturday now. It's just another one of satan's plans to try and sway my trust in God, to place fear in my heart because of the dangers of the environment that is about to surround me, to doubt my presence and plans in traveling to Haiti, because it's put on hold for a few more unexpected days; it's time for him to try and invade my faith in this time alone waiting to go. But God is good and really excellent at His job. He really is quite amazing in His protection for His people. Because I am only human these thoughts have obviously been a thought, but only a blip of a thought, because I really have a peace that I cannot begin to describe. The sweet people at MFI (the missionary flight service that I am flying on) told me this morning with this sad, pitied look, "Sorry sweetie, we won't be leaving till Saturday because of the storm coming through." You know my normal, human, "Tabitha" reaction would have been to react with fear, anxiety, and impatience, but God seriously right then and there provided His presence over me, and I just calmly said with a smile on my face, "I completely understand. It's better to be safe than sorry." I called and arranged to keep my rental car for longer, walked into the hotel and added couple more days of stay and that’s that..everything was that easy. This is only one of many times over the past 8 or so months that satan has attempted to pull me down and take me away from this journey. 

But God reveals Himself every time and He has provided me with many, many amazing comforts and experiences for me to say, “Okay God, I get it. This is where you want me." Just yesterday, I had just said goodbye to my family, gone through security, and was sitting in the waiting area only minutes till I boarded the plane from Nashville to Florida to begin my travels to Haiti, and I hear my name--"Tabitha?” I look up and it's Todd Garrett..an eager, wonderful, and encouraging friend from Ethos (my church that I am going to miss dearly) with this big smile on his face and said, "Is this you, going to Haiti, right now?!" Anyway, after Todd and I chat for a minute or two about my plans and his, he asked if he could pray over me. Seriously, in the airport about to walk onto my plane, I don't call that a coincidence...that's my God at work, comforting me, protecting me. 

Isn't funny how satan tries to weasel his way in, but in the end when the plan is God's plan, he can't win.